Do you often find yourself receding to your shell? Unable to stand your ground, or voice your opinions? Playing it safe to avoid any risks, even if it is at the cost of growth opportunities? It could be a sign of low self-esteem and self-worth.
What are the red flags of low self-esteem to recognize and avoid? Find out here.
#1 You constantly criticize yourself
You are your own worst critic. You dissect every move you make and are extra hard on yourself when you make mistakes. Constant self-criticism can be like living with a relentless inner critic, a voice that never seems to be satisfied no matter what you do. It’s like having a constant companion who points out every flaw, every misstep, and every imperfection, magnifying them until they overshadow any sense of accomplishment or self-worth.
This habit of self-criticism often stems from a deep-seated belief that perfection is the only acceptable standard. It’s like constantly chasing an elusive ideal, never allowing yourself to rest or be content with where you are. This mindset can be exhausting, draining you of energy and motivation as you strive for an unattainable goal.
Self-criticism can also be a form of self-protection, a way of wanting to beat others to the punch. It’s like putting up a shield to defend yourself from potential criticism or rejection, but in reality, it only serves to reinforce feelings of inadequacy and insecurity.
#2 You constantly seek external validation or approval from others rather than trusting your own intuition.
Yes this is a sign of low self-esteem. Constantly seeking external validation or approval can be a tough pattern to break. It’s like constantly checking the weather outside instead of trusting your own sense of what the weather might be. It’s natural to want affirmation from others, but relying solely on it can lead to a disconnect from your own instincts and intuition.
Imagine always looking over your shoulder for reassurance before taking a step forward. It can slow you down, make you hesitant, and sometimes, even cause you to second-guess your own abilities. It’s like having a GPS that you don’t fully trust, always asking for directions even when you know the way.
This reliance on external validation can stem from various sources – maybe it’s ingrained from childhood, where praise and approval were linked to self-worth, or perhaps it’s a result of societal pressures to constantly meet certain standards. Regardless of its origins, it often manifests as a nagging voice in your head, asking, “Did I do this right? What will they think? Am I good enough?”
Ironically, seeking external validation can sometimes push people away. It’s like trying too hard to be liked at a party – people can sense the desperation, and it can actually repel them. Similarly, constantly seeking approval can strain relationships, as it may come across as needy or insecure.
Breaking free from this cycle requires a shift in mindset.
#3 Failure terrifies you
Yes, everyone fears failure. But your fear holds you back from growing in your relationships, career, business, or life goals. And that is never a good sign.
Your fear of failure can be paralyzing, like standing on the edge of a cliff, afraid to take the leap for fear of falling. It’s a powerful force that holds you back from pursuing your dreams and taking risks, trapping you in a cycle of doubt and indecision.
This fear often stems from a deep-seated belief that failure is unacceptable, that it’s a reflection of your worth and low self-esteem as a person. It’s like equating failure with inadequacy, as if making a mistake or experiencing setbacks means you’re not good enough.
The fear of failure can also be fueled by external pressures and expectations, whether from family, friends, or society at large. It’s like carrying the weight of others’ opinions on your shoulders, constantly worrying about what they’ll think if you fall short of their expectations. It undermines your confidence and self-esteem.
#4 You constantly compare yourself to others
Comparison is the thief of joy. And you are caught in the comparison trap. Constantly comparing yourself to others is like running a race with no finish line, always looking to the side to see how others are doing. It’s a habit that chips away at your self-esteem, leaving you feeling inadequate and unworthy. Each comparison becomes a measure of your own success or failure, fueling a never-ending cycle of dissatisfaction and envy. It’s like wearing glasses that only focus on what others have achieved, blinding you to your own unique strengths and accomplishments.
#5 You neglect your own needs and always put others first.
It may seem admirable at first, but neglecting yourself is a disaster recipe for low self-esteem. Putting others’ needs before your own can feel like constantly carrying an invisible load, where your own well-being often gets overlooked. It’s a selfless act, but when done excessively, it can lead to neglecting your own self-care. Each time you prioritize others, it’s like silently hoping for acknowledgment or validation. It’s important to find a balance where you recognize your own needs and set boundaries to ensure your well-being isn’t neglected. Remember, taking care of yourself isn’t selfish; it’s necessary for you to be able to continue helping others effectively.
#6 You struggle to set boundaries
You find it tough to say ‘no’ and constantly over-commit. Struggling to set boundaries is like living in a house with no doors, where anyone can come and go as they please, leaving you feeling exposed and vulnerable. It’s a pattern that often stems from a desire to please others or fear of confrontation. Each time you hesitate to assert your limits, it’s like giving away pieces of yourself, leaving little room for self-respect or autonomy. This is a red flag of low self-esteem.
#7 You over-apologize for everything, even when it’s not your fault.
Constantly saying sorry, even when it’s not your fault, is a sign of low self-esteem. It’s a reflexive response, often driven by a desire to avoid conflict or maintain harmony. Each unnecessary apology chips away at your self-assurance, as if you’re taking blame for things beyond your control. It’s important to recognize when apologies are warranted and when they’re not, to avoid diminishing your own worth.
Do these signs hit close to home? Don’t feel attacked.
Recognizing these red flags of low self-esteem is the first step to move to action. It is slow and takes time. It may seem difficult, but difficult doesn’t mean impossible.
Everything first starts with awareness. Is there a shortcut to overcoming low self-esteem? NO. But the first step to building it back up is to recognize these red flags and break these patterns down. ⛓️
7 steps to improve your self-esteem:
Stop being a people pleaser. When you try too hard to please everyone around you, you lose and emotionally drain yourself. You cannot make everyone happy. That’s a fact. Be okay with this.
Choose the right circle. Surround yourself with people who uplift you rather than those who always mock or put you down.
Draw healthy boundaries respectfully. It is okay to say NO. If an ask does not align with your values or you lack the mental or time bandwidth to do it, say no.
Find and extend your purpose beyond likes, comments, and shares. Most of what you see on social media is NOT real. People with purpose find fulfillment in their true passions and goals. It is what drives them, not external validation.
Flip the script on negative self-talk. Write notes or record beautiful messages to yourself. Mention what you love about yourself, your strengths, talents, qualities, and big and small wins. Go through these when you feel low, under-appreciated, or unacknowledged. Let this self-appreciation seep into your subconscious mind.
Embrace your imperfections. Comparison is the thief of joy! Focus on your progress and achievements. Your journey is unlike anyone else’s. Choose to be the best version of yourself.
Own your space. Apologize mindfully and when it matters. Recognize your worth and stand your ground when needed.
How do you build and preserve your self-esteem? If you ever dealt with low self-esteem, how did you overcome it? Share with us in the comments.
Need personalized guidance to live as your true authentic self? Book your one-on-consults with our holistic life coaches or our emotional wellness counsellors. Get in touch with us by calling 1800 102 0253 write to us at consults@lukecoutinho.com.
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