You Don’t Have to Be Good to Everyone: 5 Reasons to Choose Authenticity Over People-Pleasing
Many a time, I struggle to be good to everyone. Do you too? Then this one’s for you.
The Hidden Burden of Being ‘Good’ To Everyone
Have you noticed how our society, social media, and toxic fake false positivity always emphasize that we must be good to everyone? What does this do? Over time, this immense pressure to be nice and good to everyone, even at the cost of our peace and feeling – leaves us overwhelmed. In these moments, when we fail to be nice to someone, we feel guilty and begin to judge ourselves, often wondering: Am I a good human being?
This pressure often leads to many of us having to pretend to be good to everyone, fit in, act, and maintain low anger scores. These facades can be heavy, weakening our connection with our authentic selves.
In our fast-paced interconnected world, the pressure to be universally liked and to extend kindness to every individual we encounter can be overwhelming.
With social media amplifying ideals of perpetual positivity and selflessness, many of us grapple with guilt and anxiety when faced with the reality of our limitations.
The truth is simple yet liberating: You don’t have to be good to everyone.
How Society’s Pressure to Be Nice Is Stealing Your Peace
When society emphasizes being good to everyone, it often leads to emotional exhaustion. We find ourselves stretched too thin, trying to cater to the needs of countless people around us instead of focusing on the quality of our relationships.
This constant striving can stifle our authenticity, making kindness feel more like an obligation than a genuine expression of self.
It’s Not Selfish, It’s Evolution
I look around and see so many people being good to everyone and it’s impossible. They are programmed that way. But it’s not humanly possible to be good to everyone because of evolution and the primal instincts we are all born with.
As social beings, our ancestors survived in close-knit communities, relying on family and friends for protection, sustenance, and emotional support. This instinctual behavior was not about being good to everyone; it was about surviving with those who mattered most to them.
Our evolutionary past has made us prioritize intimate relationships – bonds with family, friends, and loved ones.
Selective Kindness: Why It’s Okay to Focus on Who Truly Matters
In today’s complex social landscape, it is natural to feel a stronger inclination to protect and nurture those closest to us. The act of focusing our kindness on a select few is not a reflection of selfishness but an alignment with our inherent nature.
We are meant to be protective and cautious of some people. Our gut instinct will tell us not to be with someone or point blank not like them. Envy may rise and selfishness may occur to prioritize close and loved ones, in real life, social connections, work, and business. It’s all primal. We cannot and don’t have to be good to everyone. We can be kind and cut off or distance ourselves but we don’t have to like or be good or even pretend to.
The Emotional Cost of Pleasing Everyone
When we strive to be good to everyone, we open ourselves up to the practice of people-pleasing – the endless cycle of seeking approval and validation from others. This quest can be exhausting, leading to burnout and resentment. It often comes with the belief that our worth depends upon other people’s perceptions of us.
The more we try to please everyone, the more we weaken our bonds with those who genuinely matter. This incessant need to be good to all can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, and feelings of inadequacy. The truth is, it’s okay to prioritize our well-being and to admit that we cannot be everything to everyone. Recognizing our limitations allows for more meaningful interactions and relationships with those who truly enrich our lives.
So how do we embrace this liberating perspective?
First, we need to acknowledge that it is not only acceptable but also necessary to direct our kindness where it is most impactful.
Selective kindness allows us to foster deeper connections, as it enables us to invest our emotional energy in those who genuinely value and reciprocate our care. By choosing to focus on those who matter, we create an environment where our kindness has meaning.
This approach transforms our relationships, allowing authenticity and emotional truth rather than performance.
Kindness with Boundaries: Redefining What It Means to Be a Good Person
Life is too short and precious to be consumed by the pressure of pleasing everyone. Embracing the truth that you don’t have to be good to every individual opens the door to a more fulfilling existence.
As human beings, we are not designed to bear the weight of universal kindness; instead, we thrive in relationships that matter. Let go of the unrealistic expectations imposed by society. Focus on cultivating connections with those who understand, value, and support you. By doing so, you will not only nourish your soul but also create an environment where authenticity and kindness flourish.
It’s okay not to like everyone or be good to everyone. There is no need to live with hatred too. Just be assertive and kind and draw your boundaries. I hope you give yourself this gift of true freedom today and always. Don’t let society and social media make you emotionally weak and tired.
– Luke Coutinho
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